Falling Awake
by AbscondedLyricist
Summary: Post Hogwarts, Belladonna Delarceny is a single mother of Draco Malfoy's children, but he doesn't want to know. What broke their relationship so badly? What is Bella hiding? OC/DM Future smut warning.
1. Chapter 1

- DISCLAIMER -  
NOT MINE!  
I WISH!

REALLY... I DO.

Belladonna Delarceny lay back on her bed and closed her eyes. Placing her hands firmly over her ears she tried desperately to shut out the wailing, but it didn't work. With an exhausted, wordless groan of exasperation Bella got up and walked over to the crib in the corner of the room. Her feet felt heavy, like sandbags were chained tightly to her ankles leaving every part of her aching and sore. For what seemed the millionth time she peered into the cradle, frightened to death of what lay inside with absolutely no idea how to handle or stop the screaming. Looking at the two bundles she felt a crippling and excruciating loneliness. Even as young as they were they looked so much like their father that she had to look away. Hating how their silky, fuzzy blond heads already resembled his, reminding her of him with every glance. Unable to stand it any longer Bella called out, a house elf instantly appeared by her side and, without being asked, began rocking the cradle and pacifying Bella's tiny, new children. The dark haired girl sat on the edge of her large canopied bed and wrapped her arms around herself. She never asked for this. She never wanted any of it. Then again, this wasn't how she envisioned her life turning out...

"_Draco, I have something to tell you and I really don't think that you're going to like it."_

Belladonna lay down again, letting the elf do her work. When the infants has been quietened she finally closed her eyes and tried to sleep, but it wasn't easy with the soft "snuffling" sounds of the babies in the corner. Crawling under the covers Bella tried not to think, but instead to just let her mind loose and forget it all. She couldn't. It hurt her too deep, in some untouchable, unfixable part of her, to know that she was alone and responsible for the two little boys sleeping in the cot. The boys that she knew, deep down just knew, were going to serve as a reminder for the rest of her life. Whether they knew it or not they would remind her every day of all that she had lost. As she lay in her cold, white bed Bella buried her head under her pillow to try and block out the soft hum of their breathing. It seemed so loud! So deafening in this room where there was no other sound to drown it out. She wanted nothing more than to scream, to run away, to do _something_. But there was nothing to be done. She was stuck. Bella pressed her hands over her eyes and finally, after a very long wait, fell to sleep.

She was awoken sometime later by one of her house elves coming up the stairs with the mail tray and coffee. Brusquely taking the items Bella then dismissed the bothersome thing. Glancing over at the bassinet in the corner of the room she mutely noticed that another elf had taken to feeding the babies their bottles. So the dark haired girl redirected her attention to her mail, unwilling and unable to look at the crib for too long. As she sorted through an assortment of letters, she recognised one as being from Blaise Zabini while another was from her Prewett sister in law. One in particular caught her eye. A white envelope edged in rich silver practically shimmered in the pile of ordinary looking correspondences. The elegant and ornate emerald script on the front was addressed, quite simply, to "Belladonna Delarceny". Not recognising the handwriting, Bella flipped the letter over, checking for an address on the other side but there wasn't one. She picked up her letter opener and ripped the envelope open, pulling out a card. It read:

You are cordially invited to the marriage of,

Asteria Constance Greengrass

To

Draco Malfoy

On Saturday 13th March 1999

Bella could have sworn she felt something inside of her break. Looking desperately inside of the envelope she checked to see if she'd missed something: a note perhaps? A little piece of card? But it was empty, not even a post-it. Nothing. Picking up her wand from the cluttered nightstand she tried a couple of spells to see if there was a hidden message, drawing, picture, anything! But it was to no avail, the card was exactly what it looked like. A card. She placed it on the nightstand, suddenly feeling too tired to even think straight, let alone deal with... _that_.

A owl tapped at the window and, after a look from Bella, the nursery elf opened it. The owl, that she now recognized as being ministry issued, immediately flew in and dropped a red envelope unceremoniously onto the bed before swooping back towards the way it had come which opened itself and rang out in Mafalda Hopkirk's unmistakeable tones.

"The Ministry of Magic congratulates you on the birth of your children. For our records we require the completion of the attached forms. Upon the completion and return of the required documentation you will then be supplied with the relevant birth certificates of your offspring. Thank you for your cooperation, Mafalda Hopkirk, Ministry of Magic Infant Registration department ."

After the last word rang out the envelope disappeared with a puff of smoke, leaving behind two forms. Bella sighed and snapped her fingers and another elf appeared instantly with a quill and ink bottle already in hand, which Bella balanced on her knees as she frowned at the forms.

The first few items were filled out for her; date of birth, place of birth, mother's name and address, but there were two blank fields left. First read "Name of Child:" the second, "Name of Father". Bella frowned again. Throughout her pregnancy she'd been praying for girls. In fact she had been so sure she would have girls that the thought of boys' names hadn't even crossed her mind. She looked over at the crib once more and thought for a moment of naming one of them after their father. But that just wouldn't be right. She sighed, again, and wrote on one form, "Kaspar Iphareal Delarceny" – after her father and brother respectively, and on the other "Sebastian Abrigel Delarceny" after her maternal grandfather and other brother. She remarked to herself with a mirthless laugh that she should have predicted twin boys – her older brothers had been identical twins after all, she should have seen it coming. Shaking her head lightly to banish the thought she then looked at the blank space following the words "Name of Father". After staring at the spot for a while and ignoring the pain in her heart, she finally put quill to paper and one after the other wrote, "Not Applicable." Rolling the documentation up, Bella then attached them to the leg of the Ministry owl which had flown over as soon as she was done and hooted in a strangely official way. The bird gave her one last look as if to ask if she was sure before turning and flying off, swooping gracefully out of the window and presumably back to Mafalda Hopkirk .

'So I guess that's that,' she thought, sending a spell over towards the boys that monogrammed their blankets were with their newly appointed names.

Looking at the elf she then said, with a voice that didn't quite sound like her own, "Bring them here, Twisty."

The elf gave her several worried glances but in the end did as she was told. Bella ignored the creature and took the boys awkwardly into her shaky her arms. They both remained silent during and after the exchange, but their luminous eyes looked at their mother with a startling intensity. She looked back and found herself disarmed, however there was something that helped to, at least partway, stop her fear. Their eyes. They were not like his, so cold and piercing. No, they were ice blue, big and beautiful. They were her father's eyes.

Suddenly something about the tiny babies in her arms made her feel safe. They no longer felt like reminders of her past, instead they felt like a bright new future. They were her children. _Hers_. Even the Ministry of Magic had it on record: Father not applicable. He was gone and they were hers. Bella's breath caught at the back of her throat and she smiled, tears coming to her eyes. But unlike before, they were happy tears. Exhausted, broken, _happy_ tears.

"Hey there..." she started, not noticing the tactful elf slipping from the room. "Hey you."

_Ok, so first chapter up and running. Basically there is quite a lot of back story, I might not pull it all in, it's a LOT. Read and review, constructive criticism is completely welcome, but don't flay me alive... There's more to come, and more than likely some scenes of a "colourful" nature, so keep holding out for that... Thank you! _


	2. Chapter 2

Bella smoothed down the front of her dress and sighed, scrutinising her reflection. It had been 3 months since the twins were born and still her body was showing a reluctance to return to any sort of shape at all, and this was the first time since the birth that it actually mattered how she looked. She considered changing once again but knew that whatever she decided to wear she would still look exhausted and deflated, like a very old balloon. It seemed almost retrospective to be wearing green but it was one of the colours that Bella felt at home in, save for black, and black wasn't appropriate for a wedding. She turned to the side, relieved that the wrap-around style of the dress went partway to concealing the loss of the definition in her stomach. She walked to her dressing table and, sitting down, she browsed her extensive collection of jewellery. It was mostly comprised of heirlooms from her mother and grandmothers, all long since dead. For the most part the antiques were heavy and unfashionable but they carried a certain dignity with them; a sort of historical impact. Her eyes went, however, to one ring that almost seemed to call for her attention. It was, to the untrained eye, a platinum and diamond ring, goblin wrought and expensive. Bella knew, though, that it was just a near-perfect replica. Bella had given the real ring back to Draco almost a year ago, after the Final Battle at Hogwarts. When he'd found out...

Bella picked up the ring and slid it onto her middle finger on her left hand. It didn't belong on her engagement finger anymore, but it seemed oddly apt to wear it close. She put on a bracelet and neck chain that she'd had made to match the impostor-ring and wound her hair into a loose, tumbling half-updo that let a few loose curls fall over her shoulders. After a quick fresh-face charm, and speedy application of eye makeup she applied a careful layer of blood-red lipstick. She looked as good as she could manage, and better than she had in months. She took a deep breath and practiced her "I'm really happy for you, honestly" face. However unconvincing it was it would have to do. Making her way to the fireplace and taking a good handful of Floo Powder she once again considered taking Kasper and Sebastian with her but as before she decided against it. She wasn't going to cause a scene. Not if she could avoid it. Turning on the spot once inside the fireplace she waved goodbye to the twins before throwing the powder into the grate and announcing, "Malfoy Manor."

Bella arrived in a room full of very well dressed people, smiling and making small talk. Some posed for photographs while others discussed stocks. This was high wizarding society out in full force to eat, drink and be merry. Bella flicked a speck of ash off her shoulder and smoothed down her hair before bracing herself and stepping out into the room. Without much warning she was accosted by an elegant woman wearing a stunning silver sheath dress and a vast number of jewels. "Bella!" she exclaimed happily, giving Bella a bone crushing hug that made her eyes water. "I haven't seen you in months! How have you been? _Where _have you been?" Bella offered her a small smile.

"I'm sorry, Karen, I've been horribly busy these last few months getting the house back in order." The words flowed easily from her lips, and they weren't exactly a lie, but they weren't quite the truth either. The house had taken a while to get back into order, having not been lived in for years, but the truth was Karen hadn't known about Bella's pregnancy. Nobody had except for Draco and his family. Well, them and the Ministry of Magic Infant Registration office of course. "It was a big job, you know, seeing as..."

"Don't worry, I understand," Karen cut in, tactfully, knowing the end of the sentence and knowing that Bella didn't need to say it. Bella smiled gratefully in return. Her parents' and brothers' deaths were still raw in the back of her mind, and though it had been two years since it had happened she still didn't like to think about it, much less talk about it.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot to ask, how was the honeymoon?" Bella asked, picking up a glass of champagne from a tray that floated past her. Karen beamed.

"It was amazing. Blaise and I had the best time!" Bella's smile was starting to make her face ache. Without warning the noise level in the room kicked up several notches as the men near the door started to cheer. Bella looked over in the direction of the noise to see a man who made her blood run cold. Lucius Malfoy was being congratulated as father of the groom – congratulated on landing a Greengrass, Bella concluded. The Greengrasses were another Slytherin family full of old money, and since Lucius had lost his job at the Ministry and his vaults had been depleted by the Dark Lord, it was a perfect match. Bella smirked to herself. Despite the heartache of losing Draco there was a tiny, miniscule part of her that was glad that she wasn't a trophy wife. She watched Lucius as he schmoozed his way around the room, shaking hands and smirking. Bella shuddered and Karen looked at her. "Are you alright?" she asked, concern in her big dark eyes. Bella nodded, her plastered on smile slipping a little.

"I just... I need to get some air. Save me a seat?" With that Bella left the room, her eyes fixed on the door, not knowing whether Lucius saw her or not.

Having go through the door she closed it behind her. She closed her eyes, resting her head against the cold stone of the wall, trying desperately to pull herself together. She heard footsteps behind her, then a voice. A very familiar voice.

"Are you lost?" Bella turned around slowly, opening her eyes. He looked amazing. She always thought that the picture that she carried around in her head would be idealised, too perfect, that the reality would always fall short of what she imagined. However she always found herself astounded in front of the real Draco. He looked at her coldly and she felt that familiar breaking feeling somewhere deep inside her. It came to her that he had not expected to see her here.

"Congratulations," she said, abruptly, her voice quavering with every syllable. It was the only thing that she could think to say and it was painfully insufficient. Draco laughed hollowly.

"Thank you," he replied, curtly. There was a long, agonizing silence between them while Bella frantically thought of things to say.

"Draco, I..."

"Why are you here, Belladonna?" he interrupted her, his voice still cold but with a steely edge that made Bella's breath catch in her throat.

"You invited me, Draco, it would have been rude not to..."

"You honestly think I would have invited you? Oh, Belladonna, you're stupider than you look." Bella felt her heart beat irrhythmically in her chest, trying not to let the words hurt her.

"Then someone else invited me. Your fiancée, I'd assume." Bella didn't mean for the word "fiancée" to come out so _venomous _but as it was she almost spat the word, unable to hold back her feelings. She never could. Draco laughed hollowly.

"It would be just like that silly bint," he muttered. Bella's heart leaped. The way he said it wasn't as a term of endearment, or in a remotely jokey way...

"Not a big fan of little miss Greengrass, are we?" she asked, her head cocked to one side, her hands on her hips. Draco's eyes narrowed and he had a look on his face that implied that he'd said too much as he strode up to Bella, pushing her against the wall, pinning her arms by her sides.

"Shut up," he drawled, his face inches from hers. "I made myself perfectly, crystal clear. I never want to see you again, do you hear me?" Bella turned her face away from his, the intensity in his voice scaring her. "_Do you understand?_" Bella opened her mouth to speak and he slammed the side of his fist into the wall, a hair's breadth from her face. "Belladonna, you listen to me," he said, his voice perfectly calm and all the more terrifying for it, "If I see you darken my doorway again I will cause you some serious pain. If you see me in the street you will turn around and walk the other way. If we are at the same event you will make your excuses and leave before I get to you because mark me, Belladonna, if I get to you you'll wish you'd never come at all. Am I understood?" Bella nodded, unable to feel any part of her body but her face where his breath was gusting over her skin. It made her feel alive. But he looked at her in disgust before backing away. She looked back at him, biting back words and tears and everything that she knew she would feel if she could just get the numbness out of her blood. She watched at his eyes skidded over her from head to foot and back again. "You're not pregnant." He remarked, and Bella held back the sarcastic, _"Oh, well done!" _that instantly sprang into her mouth and shook her head. "It's just as well." He said, walking past her and putting his hand on the doorknob. "With you as a mother I'd hate to think what kind of monster that child would grow up to be." He opened the door and was greeted by loud cheers, and even applause. Bella waited until the door had closed before sliding down the wall and burying her face in her hands, the tears breaking out from her eyes and spilling over her skin.

She disapparated without saying goodbye to Karen – she couldn't face going back into that room. She apparated onto her bed at home, pressing her face into her pillow and bawling. She didn't even try to hold the tears back, she just let it all go. The twins joined in, howling from their crib and Bella got up from her bed to cradle the boys in her arms, holding them close, crying harder than she had for a very, very long time. She didn't blame Draco for being so _hateful_, but that didn't stop it hurting. She muttered another fresh-face charm, knowing that her makeup must be smeared everywhere by now. Then she kissed Kasper and Sebastian on their tiny baby foreheads, one by one. She took them back over to her bed, laying them down next to her and lying in her side, looking at them. As she stopped crying they did too and looked at their mother silently. Sebastian kicked his legs and gurgled a little half-laugh at the expression on his mum's face. Kaspar just looked at her. She reached out a hand to touch him and her did likewise, clutching at one of her fingers and holding on tight. Bella laughed, the sound cracking but unmistakeably a laugh, after a fashion. She offered her boys the weakest of smiles. "Please don't grow up and hate me, like your daddy did." She whispered the words, looking at her children, begging them, though they couldn't understand. "Please don't hate me." She sighed and lay on her back, wondering if Draco and Asteria were married yet. Then she wondered if Karen had realised that she'd left. It then occurred to her that what Draco had said as he walked away didn't make sense. _"It's just as well." _Did Draco realise that she had had two babies? It dawned on her that he must have thought she'd had a termination. He must have done, otherwise his words just didn't make sense. She huffed a small sigh of... of what? Relief? Oddly that's exactly what it was. She resolved then and there not to enlighten him. He needn't know. She looked at the clock on the mantelpiece and groaned. It was only 12am. How she wished the days away, hoping that time would pass by easily, without too much trouble or effort.

It rarely did.

_So that's chapter 2! Hopefully you're at least wondering how Bella got herself into this mess, and panic not, it will all become clear... Between this chapter and the next there may well be a significant time jump... I'll let you know! Read and review, thanks!_

_xxx_


	3. Chapter 3 and 4

"Mummy?" A hesitant little voice seemed to prod Bella awake. She opened one brown eye, lazily. Four blue ones peered back at her over the edge of the bed. After a moment she raised an eyebrow.

"Yes?" She replied, looking at them and trying to look stern, hiding a sleepy smile. For a moment the children said nothing at all. Then one of them poked Bella in the arm. The smile broke through the ersatz frown. "Come on, then, you little monsters." She bundled the twins up in her arms and pulled them into her bed, hugging them closely to her chest and closing her eyes again, breathing in the smell of her children. Two sets of fingers poked her in the ribs and protested loudly,

"Don't go back to sleep!" Kaspar growled.

"Please?" Sebastian added. Bella chuckled, hugging the children tighter which only made them protest more. She relaxed her grip on them a little making a comforting shushing noise. They quietened down and she opened her eyes, looking at her little six-year-olds and holding one in each arm either side of her.

"It's our birthday tomorrow, mummy, you haven't forgotten have you?" Kaspar asked, sticking his little finger into his mum's ribs once again.

"No, of course I haven't." Bella replied, looking at the canopy of her bed. "In fact I'm taking you both on a little outing today, can you guess where we're going?" Kaspar shrugged, but Sebastian tried to make timid guesses.

"The Zoo? Uncle Blaise and Auntie Karen's? Auntie Shayla's?" Bella shook her head, turning to look at Sebastian with a little smile.

"No, sweetheart. Definitely not Aunt Shayla's after last time. If you remember she tried to hex mummy, and that wasn't... nice." That was an understatement. Her brother's widow had tried to burn her head off.

"Why did she try and hex you?" Kaspar asked, remembering the incident in the way that children remember things that they haven't thought of in a while in astounding clarity. Bella looked reproachfully at her curious son. He stared back with the unapologetic defiance of small boys. Bella sighed and looked again at the canopy. She saw no point in lying and had known she'd have to tell them about this particular section of her past at some point, she just hadn't expected to have to do it so soon. Besides, Kaspar was relentless – once he got his teeth into something he rarely let it go.

"Aunt Shayla is still angry because of how your Uncle Iphareal died." Bella started, her eyes on the tattoo on her left forearm that no spell would shift. "Do you remember how I told you about the war that ended before you were born, and that mummy's family was on... well, the wrong side?" Kaspar nodded and Sebastian followed suit, though more hesitantly. "Well your Uncles Abrigel and Iphareal, who were twins, just like you, were on different sides of this war. Your grandparents, Abrigel and myself were on the wrong side and Iphareal was on the... right side. At the time it was just harder to see it that way."

"What happened?" Kasper probed, looking at his mother with wide eyes.

"There was a fight." Bella said, simply. It felt weird to tell the story, it had been years since she had. Oddly it was no longer painful. "Iphareal was the Secret Keeper for our house and he told the aurors where it was and how to get in. My parents and Abrigel fought and they were killed. When I came home all I saw was smoke and shadows. I found my parents in one room, then Abrigel in another. I was terrified. Then Iphareal came around the corner and... I didn't even think."

"You killed him?" Kaspar asked, bluntly. Bella looked at him for a long, long moment before pulling both her children to her again. Sebastian buried his face in his mother's side but Kaspar was, as usual slightly stony.

"You have to understand, boys, that times were very different before you were born. I can only hope that there is never another war in your lifetime. It brings out the very worst in people." Bella shook her head lightly, as if to shake out the memories. "Now, you still haven't guessed where we're going."

"Tell me!" Sebastian asked, his voice bright. Bella smiled once more. Sebastian was not as opinionated as his brother, or as astute, and if nothing else it made it a little easier on her.

"I'm taking you shopping," Bella said, looking at both her children in turn; the easily pleased Sebastian and the inquisitive, incorrigible Kaspar. "I've decided that at _almost_ seven you are quite old enough for your first trip to Diagon Alley." Kaspar grinned.

"Really? You mean it?" He asked, wide eyed. Bella laughed and nodded, pleased to see her son smiling for a change. He was tenacious but underneath it all he was a little boy, just as he should be.

"Yes, I mean it. I'm taking you to choose some gifts and we're going to stay the night in London. Would you like that?" The boys both jumped up and bounced on the bed, elated, whooping and laughing. Bella propped herself up in her bed and watched the little blonds spring about. Their energy was exhausting to watch but it made her happy to see them so excited. "Now go and get dressed and tell Twisty to pack a bag for one night for either of you, ok?" he boys agreed loudly, jumping off the bed and scrambling out of the room. Bella allowed herself a moment to close her eyes again and relax, for a moment. Just a moment.

...

Bella dressed in casual robes that fit snugly around her torso and flared at her hips. Looking in the mirror to apply makeup she thought absently to herself that she looked good enough. Not the best she ever had, not by a long shot, but though her body was in general softer and less angular than she had been used to as a teenager she had come to accept that she wasn't a teenager anymore. She was twenty five years old. She'd had twin babies. She was entitled to a little softness. She pulled her red-brown hair loose of her collar and called the twins into the room. They barrelled through the door closely followed by Twisty the elf, dragging two suitcases. Bella had her own already next to the fireplace. She picked it up in her hand and instructed her sons to do the same. She handed them each a good measure of Floo Powder. "Now, we are going to the Leaky Cauldron, ok?" she explained. The boys nodded. They had used Floo Power before and knew what to do. Bella watched as first Kaspar then Sebastian walked into the fireplace and threw down the powder, disappearing in a green puff of smoke. It always made her heart stop a little to see her children disappear like that and she followed them without hesitation.

...

Appearing windswept and slightly sooty in the Leaky Cauldron Bella immediately looked around for her children in the crowd. They were standing a few feet from the fireplace, staring out at all the people. They were not used to crowds, having lived in Delarceny Manor their entire lives and never really going anywhere. Bella had been far too scared to take them anywhere before now, as an awkward, single 18 year old mother at the start of their lives. She tried to hide her protectiveness a little these days and keep it under control but it wasn't easy. She walked to their sides and took their hands in hers. "Come on, let's go check in, then we can go shopping, alright?" The twins nodded, slightly dumbstruck by the bustle and noise of the pub. Bella walked to the desk and saw Tom, the barman, familiar as ever, if much older than she remembered. "I have two adjacent rooms booked for tonight? I was wondering if I could leave my luggage in there?" she asked, smiling in what she hoped was a self-assured, confident way.

"Of course, Miss." Tom replied with a obsequious smile. "What name would it be booked under?"

"Prewett." Bella said, without missing a beat. Sebastian opened his mouth to say something, but the ever-perceptive Kaspar gave him a swift kick in the shins.

"Right upstairs, Miss Prewett, rooms 12 and 14." Tom replied with another smile. Bella signed the register, "Kay Prewett". Giving the register a quick scan she saw some other names that she recognised: Bones, Weasley, MacMillan... Then a name that made her heart stop. In elegant script she saw the name, "Asteria Malfoy". She swallowed thickly before turning on her heels and leading her children upstairs without another word.

...

"Why did you lie, mummy?" Kaspar asked, as the twins sat on their bed, watching their mother unpack their things.

"Well..." Bella said, not really concentrating on what he was saying, more concerned by the fact that Twisty seemed to have forgotten to pack pyjamas. That and the fact that her children's stepmother was somewhere in Diagon Alley the same day they were – what a hideous quirk of fate. "Our family is known for being on the wrong side of the war and there's still a lot of prejudice against other Death Eater families... oh, I'm going to strangle that useless elf..."

"What's prejudice?" asked Sebastian, cocking his head to one side.

"It's where no matter how nice you are people already hate you." Kaspar said, succinctly.

"Not quite, but close enough." Bella agreed, slamming the suitcases with a crack that made the children jump a little. They had never seen their mother so agitated. She closed her eyes for a second and tried to think what to do. She hadn't seen Asteria for about 8 years, there was no reason that she would recognise her – particularly has her hair was a different colour to the darkest brown that it had been until her last few weeks at school. Would Asteria realise that the boys were Draco's? They sure as hell looked like him, right down to the shape of their eyes. It was only the colour that was different. She opened her eyes and looked at the boys, having an idea. "We are going to play a game, ok?" she said, stooping down so their eyes were on the same level.

"Ok!" Sebastian replied, eagerly.

"What's the game?" Kaspar replied, no exactly suspiciously but certainly more warily. Bella looked at them both.

"Do you remember the big portrait of mummy and her family in the dining room?" She asked them. They both nodded simultaneously. "And do you remember what colour mummy's hair was back then?" She could see them both thinking, trying to remember. Then Kaspar piped up,

"It was dark. Really dark." Bella nodded.

"Yes, it was." Draco had changed it. Once, lying in bed together, her wearing nothing but his shirt and him wearing nothing but a smile she had joked that the Weasley's hair colour was a contributing factor to their unattractiveness. Draco had replied to this comment by turning her hair red. To this day she hadn't quite managed to turn it back to almost-black, only succeeding in turning it a reddish, coppery brown. "How would you like to have dark hair like mummy's was?" she asked, but it wasn't so much a question as a plea, and Kaspar noticed, and didn't question his mother. Sebastian just saw it as a tiny adventure. They both nodded. Bella smiled gratefully and got out her wand, giving both boys a tap on the head, Sebastian first, then Kaspar. One by one, from the roots to the ends, each hair on their head, including their eyebrows and lashes, turned a deep dark brown. She smiled with satisfaction. On close inspection they still had their father's features, but you wouldn't know it unless you were looking. At first glance they looked like Delarcenys, and that suited her fine, whether she was pretending to be a Prewett or not. She looked at her sons with a loving gaze and gave them each a kiss on the now-brown head before standing up and holding out her hands. "Come on, let's go shopping."

Bella actually forgot about Asteria quite quickly once she had gone through the wall into Diagon Alley with her boys. She cast a quick Tenaomnus charm on them both, a spell that created an invisible chord from her to them that allowed them to look around without straying too far from her, but for the most part she let herself relax. Eventually she had to summon a couple of elves from the house to help her carry all her purchases: potions ingredients and beauty products for herself (having been confined to muggle products for years) and countless magical trinkets for the boys, including two brand new top of the range toy broomsticks that went up to 40mph at a maximum of 6 feet off the ground and included a built in soft-landing charm, just in case. It made her happy to see her boys so entranced by the world that she'd taken in her stride as a child, to see them so transfixed by something so simple as a pet shop full of owls, relenting to their persistent pleas and buying them each an eagle owl chick to take home in a little silver cage, which each boy proudly carried himself. When they finally arrived back at the pub the evening the boys were exhausted and Bella sent them off to bed in their own room on the top floor. They went without much of a fuss, too tired to put up much of a fight, though Kaspar still tried. Once she had got them both to sleep in their new green pyjamas she kissed them both soundly and crept out of the room to go downstairs and, finally, have a drink.

She sat in a booth with her glass in her hand, looking out at all the people. Some she recognised from school, namely a bushy haired Gryffindor woman and her gangly red-headed husband and some equally hideous brats. She had started to wonder if Asteria had come and gone already when she saw, with a jolt, a couple walk into the pub. Draco and his wife were followed by a flotilla of heavily burdened elves, and Bella kept her head down, not wanting Draco to see her, swearing under her breath. She hadn't expected to see him. It had been nearly seven years since he had slammed her against the wall and told her to keep away, and she had done so. Why was in that NOW they chose to be here? Why was it that the first time she came to Diagon Alley since before leaving school, the first time she had taken her children further from their home than the Zabini house six doors down, why TODAY did the Malfoys decide to take a jaunt? It wasn't until the bassinette floated in behind them that Bella discovered it, and her heart dropped into her feet. She watched as Draco turned and picked up his child with a wide smile, holding the baby in his arms. She felt a jag of pain and anger tear through her and she turned her back, unable to look anymore. He had a family. He had a child. And he was happier without her. She had never expected him to stay miserable, and she hadn't wanted it, but a secret, greasy part of her wanted her children to be his only children. It was unrealistic, of course it was, but the thought that Kasper and Sebastian had a half-sibling that they would never know absolutely killed her. It hurt almost as much as knowing that Draco would never hold his oldest sons, never know them, never love them. It hurt her deeply. She realised that her booth was in plain view and got up slowly while his back was turned, going to the other side of the pub and sitting down at a different booth, covering her face with her hands.

"Bella?" She looked up slowly to see a face she knew sitting at the table that she'd just gatecrashed. He was dark haired with kind brown eyes and very chiselled features in his face. He was full-lipped and his mouth was slightly open in something close to astonishment. Bella looked at him with wide, searching eyes, taking him in. It had been years since she had seen him, and he'd grown into such a _man_, broad shouldered and with the shadow of a beard.

"Travis?" He nodded, looking at her almost blankly. Bella could understand why. Travis had been her boyfriend for 2 years before she had left him for Draco. If she were Travis, she wouldn't be sure how to feel either. "It's good to see you," she said, earnestly. "It's been way too long." Without thinking too hard about it she slid her arms around him and hugged him tightly. For a moment Travis stiffened in her arms, then very slowly he hugged her too. "I missed you." Bella whispered the words into his shoulder, slightly overcome with emotion and feeling. It was then that she realised she hadn't had a man's arms around her since before the twins were born. After what felt like not long enough he let go of her, looking at her intently once more.

"You look different."

"It's the hair. It's redder," Bella said, quietly. "And, you know, I'm tired. I never used to get all that tired, but nowadays I seem permanently exhausted." Travis smiled.

"Busy? Got a job? A respectable job?" Bella felt an embarrassing schoolgirl blush creep over her face and she shook her head. She figured that she might as well tell him now, knowing that he would find out sooner or later.

"No, I'm a full-time... well, I'm... I have two boys," she said, stumbling over the words and looking down. Travis was silent for a moment before asking in a slightly frosty tone,

"Are they Malfoy's?" Bella nodded, still looking at the table. "How old?"

"They are seven tomorrow," Bella said, speaking quietly. She saw Travis's fist clench. It was clearly still a sore point for him.

"So he knocked you up when we were still at school?" he asked, slowly. Bella nodded again.

"Yes."

"And then he left you?" Bella said nothing for a moment, then she said, slightly evasively,

"He's staying here with his wife and new baby... what do you think." She sighed, shakily, letting herself feel all the sadness that she had been forcing into anger for years. "I still can't believe how my life turned out, Travis. Nine years ago my life was perfectly fine. I wasn't a mother, for a start, I still had my family and my _figure_ for that matter... I had you. But then everything went pear-shaped."

"Karma." Travis said, without missing a beat. There was an awkward silence. "Sorry," he muttered, "That was harsh." Bella shook her head.

"No. It's probably just about right." She felt his hands under her chin and she let him lift her face up to look at him. She obliged, looking deeply into his eyes.

"I missed you too." He looked almost surprised at himself, but he continued. "I really missed you. Despite everything. You humiliated me when you left me for that... _Boy_. Every day I still wonder what it would have been like if we had stayed together. I still think about you. A lot. And I keep trying to write. I will deliberately walk past your house on the way to work, wondering if you're inside, wondering if I'll ever see you at a window or in the garden." He swallowed. "Are you single?" he asked, seriously. Bella nodded. "Good," he replied with an affirmative little nod. "Because I'm buying you another drink, and you are going to tell me all about your boys..." he stood up to go to the bar and said to her, in an undertone, as he left, "They may be half Malfoy, but they're half Bella, too." That made Bella smile broadly and she watched as he turned the corner to the bar with her empty glass. She sat back in her chair and let out a long sigh. What a weird day. She wondered for a second if she ought to check on the boys, but she knew that they were sound, regular sleepers. She fully expected them to be out for hours. Besides, Twisty was watching over them as she always did – the house elf having taken on the role of nursemaid years ago. Bella allowed herself to be aware of the butterflies in her stomach. She admitted to herself; Travis was looking _good_. All the feelings she'd had for him back at school were returning, and she felt like a teenager again. As he returned she smiled at him and he smiled back. When he sat down he placed two crystal glasses and a bottle of champagne on the table. "I thought we ought to celebrate." He filled her glass, then his own and raised it for a toast. "What should we toast to? To chance meetings? To your children?"

"How about to a fresh start?" Bella suggested hesitantly. Travis smirked but her nodded in agreement.

"To a fresh start." They clinked glasses and took a drink, Bella more hesitantly that him, having not had much to drink at all in a very long time and knowing that bubbles went to her head. When she put her glass down he reached out and took her hand in his, knotting their fingers. To Bella, who hadn't really seen a man in over half a decade, let alone touched one, it felt surprisingly intimate, as if she were holding hands for the first time in her life and it were all so shiny and new that the sense of everything was somewhat heightened. He gave her hand a squeeze. _Yes,_ Bella thought to herself. _To fresh starts..._


	4. Chapter 5

"_We're going to have to take this really, really slowly."  
"I know. Travis?"  
"Bella?"  
"I'm so glad I... crashed into you."  
"Me too, Bella. Me too."_

Bella smiled at the memory, lying in her bed and hugging a pillow. Since their chance meeting in the Leaky Cauldron five months ago she had seen him at least once week, always at a neutral location like a restaurant or Karen and Blaise's house for couples' dinners and they had found a comfortable rhythm together; they kissed on the cheek when they said hello, held hands under the table over dinner then, after a month or so, kissed each other goodnight and left each other for another week. The last time they had seen each other he had apparated to her front door with her, pressed her against her doorframe and kissed her like she hadn't been kissed in years. She had wanted desperately to ask him inside, but she still didn't know how she felt about introducing Travis to her children. That awkward morning after feeling was bad enough without two seven year old children demanding coco pops. Thinking about that kiss gave her a warm heat in the deep pit of her stomach and she closed her eyes as a pleasant shiver went through her body. She hadn't seen him for two weeks now (he'd been away for work) and the kiss still felt like unfinished business. She missed Travis so much, it was as though the eight years they'd spent apart had condensed into an insatiable longing that refused to go away. She felt like a teenager again, like they were back at the start of their relationship the first time. Thinking about him gave her a warm fluttering in the pit of her stomach and when Twisty arrived with the mail tray she pounced on the unsuspecting elf who gave a slightly indignant squeal as Bella ripped the letters from the elf. Twisty scuttled out of the room squawking something about coffee but Bella didn't care. On the top of the pile was a letter handwritten in shimmering sliver-green ink. She opened the letter hurriedly and grinned as she started to read it.

_Dear Bella,_

_ I'm still in Germany, hating my job for keeping us apart. I'll be back from Dusseldorf on Friday and I have to see you – I HAVE to see you. I was thinking I'd come straight to Delarceny Manor when I get back. I doubt your cooking has improved much since school, so I'll bring some food with me. What do you like? What do the boys like? I'll be back about 5 o'clock, so I guess I'm going to be meeting them. If that's ok with you, of course._

_ My darling... The time drags without you, and goes too fast when we're together. I'm counting down the hours, the minutes, the moments!_

_ Friday can't come soon enough._

_Always yours, _

_Travis._

Bella felt her heart sink. Meeting the boys? He couldn't. The boys had never met a boyfriend of hers. She'd never had a boyfriend to meet! She just shook her head. No. Not happening. But what was her alternative? Blowing Travis off and saying she was busy? Sending the boys off for the day and night? But where? She let out a loud, angry growl of frustration and flumped back in her bed. She looked at the clock on her wall. "Friday, 9.13am." Friday... It was Friday. "Just my luck," she thought to herself, "Stupid trans-European postal delay." She got out of bed and paced in front of the fireplace trying to clear her head. Maybe it _was_ time for the boys to meet Travis properly. She knew that she wanted him to stay the night sometime soon, oh, Merlin, she needed that. She caught a look at herself in the mirror and almost laughed at her own expression. She addressed her reflection.

"Pull yourself together," she told herself sternly. "You were never going to be able keep your family and love life separate forever. You might as well let their paths collide; it was going to happen sooner or later."

"Whose paths?" said a small voice from her doorway. Bella jumped and turned around to see Kaspar standing there in his pyjamas, glaring at his mother. Bella sighed.

"Get your brother and come in here. We need to have a chat." Kaspar stood there for a moment, looking up at his mother through his thick lashes before doing as he was told. Bella tied her hair back and sat on her bed, waiting for her sons. How to tackle this...

...

"So Travis is your boyfriend?" Kaspar asked with a frown.

"Will he be our dad?" Sebastian asked excitedly.

"No, not really. Well, sort of... yes. I don't..." Bella closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Travis and I are friends. He's a boy, and he's my friend. And he's bringing dinner tonight, ok?" Sebastian nodded enthusiastically while Kaspar said nothing and just looked at his mother. Bella felt like his little eyes were piercing into her, saying, _"Mum, we're seven, not stupid."_ She clapped her hands together.

"Right, boys, you need to get out of those pyjamas, and..." she looked out of the window and was relieved to see that it was sunny outside. "I think today is a good day for flying." Sebastian ran out of the room, excited at the prospect of being able to go out on his broom for the first time after months of rain and bad weather. Kaspar walked out slowly behind his brother, looking back at Bella before leaving the room and wordlessly closing the door. Bella looked at the shut door between her and her sons and sighed again, heavily. Almost 7 and a half, and already he'd learned to shut himself off, just like his father. She started to pity Travis; Sebastian would love him. Kaspar on the other hand would be a silently hostile nightmare. Twisty turned up with the coffee and Bella gulped it down quickly before taking a huge fluffy towel and stepping into the shower. If she couldn't actually make things perfect tonight she could try and look as damn near it as she could manage. Besides, she couldn't even remember the last time she shaved her legs...

...

The doorbell rang and Bella sprang up from the sofa. The boys were sat either side of her, Sebastian chattering away excitedly and Kaspar dead silent with his arms folded tightly across his chest. Bella's breath hitched in her throat as she heard Travis give Twisty his coat. She smoothed down the front of her dress and tried to calm down as he walked through the door into the drawing room and when their eyes met and her nerves just dissolved. "Travis," she said with a contented smile, "These... well, this is Sebastian and Kaspar." She looked at her sons who got up off the sofa. "Kas, Seb, this is Mr. Davis."

"Call me Travis, boys," he told them with a friendly smile, reaching into his bag and pulling out two brightly wrapped boxes and giving one to each twin. When they just held them and stared at them, Sebastian trembling with excitement and Kaspar just looking slightly suspiciously at Travis he laughed and said, "You can open them, if you like." Sebastian ripped happily into his package and crowed with delight when it revealed a box with a neon green pygmy puff inside. Kaspar looked at his brother's present and looked suitably unimpressed. While Sebastian might do fluffy stuff, Kaspar did not. Travis caught the look and gave Kaspar a wink. "Just because you're twins doesn't mean I've given you identical gifts," he said, conspiratorially. Kaspar's suspicious look intensified. He turned his attention to his own box and opened it. Bella was thrilled to see a rare smile grace her son's face and a light soft hissing came from the box.

"Cool," Kaspar said softly, reaching into the box and pulling out a little green snake.

"Now, Kas, you cannot, repeat, CANNOT feed Seb's present to your present, alright?" Bella told her son, sternly and Kaspar rolled his eyes.

"I know, mum."

"Now..." Travis said, pulling some paper bags out of his travel case, "Who likes Chinese?"

...

Bella settled Sebastian into his bed and brushed his hair off his forehead, planting a soft kiss there. "So... what do you think of Travis?" She asked him. Sebastian smiled sleepily at his mum.

"I like him," he said softly, "He can be your boyfriend, if you want." Bella felt a blush rise to her cheeks and a sudden rush of adoration for her little boy.

"Goodnight, sweetheart," she whispered. Sebastian nodded drowsily and Bella watched for a moment as the boy drifted off to sleep. She whispered an incantation to dim the lights to almost nothing and padded out of the room and next door to Kaspar's bedroom. Her headstrong son was reading in bed and she noted with a smile that he was reading a copy of _The Tales of Beedle the Bard_.

"You know that was mummy's favourite book?" Bella told him from the doorway. "My mother gave me a copy for my 4th birthday. I have about 7 different editions."

"I know," Kaspar replied without looking up. "There's writing in the front of this one."

Bella frowned and sat down on the bed next to Kaspar and flipped through the pages to find the inscription in the front. She felt her heart drop into her feet as she recognised the handwriting.

_Dear Bells,_

_Happy 17__th__. I know you already have it but maybe this one can be your everyday copy and you can keep the one from your mum as your Sunday best or something._

_Love D_

_P.S I have another present for you that I can't give in writing. I'll see you tonight._

Bella snatched the book from her son and stood up, her hands shaking with a sudden onset of rage. "Don't just take my things, Kaspar!" she said, her voice shrill, "You shouldn't... Merlin, _ask me_ before you just take my belongings. Go to sleep. I'll see you in the morning."

She stormed out of the room and slammed the door, leaning against it and trying to control herself. She shouldn't have snapped at Kaspar, she knew that, but the sight of Draco's handwriting had freaked her out. After trying to keep her sons so separate from their father having this happen so accidentally just caught her off guard. She opened the book again and ran her fingertips over the inscription before shutting the book with a sharp snap. She got her wand out and sent the book back to the library before composing herself and going back downstairs to Travis. He was sat on the sofa waiting for her. Without saying a word she walked to the sofa and lay down with her head in his lap.

"How did I do?" Travis asked her, playing with her hair. She smiled contentedly.

"You were flawless," she told him happily. "Seriously, you were absolutely brilliant. Sebastian absolutely loves you and Kaspar... you made him smile, which is no mean feat. He doesn't even smile for me." Travis looked down at her with an odd expression on his face.

"He has a lot of Malfoy in him, doesn't he." Bella nodded feeling tired. She sat up and faced Travis.

"Is that going to be an issue?" she asked cautiously. Travis caressed her face softly, looking at her mouth.

"Bella, I'm going to have to come to terms with your past if I want to be your future," he said softly, kissing her neck gently. "If that means putting the boys' parentage to one side in my mind then so be it." She felt herself melt and cupped his face in her hands.

"I love you," She whispered, resting her forehead against his. "I don't know if it's too soon to say it, but it's true." He looked into her eyes and smiled.

"I've been waiting nearly ten years for you to say that again. No, it's not too soon." He kissed her passionately, cradling her body in his arms and taking her into a reclining position, his body over hers and she lay on the sofa. Her breath quickened and she wrapped her arms and legs around him, pulling him close, desperate to show him how much she wanted him. It had been almost eight years since she'd felt a man's bodyweight this way and she was aching for him.

"Travis?" she whispered against his mouth and he just nodded.

"I know, I want you too." Her body arched against him and her fingers went to his shirt and started unbuttoning frantically. She realised that she'd lost that knack she used to have and just pulled it over his head. His body was a little thicker in the waist than it had been when he was 15 but his abs were perfect. She ran her hands over his chest as they kissed and Travis pulled her dress over her head. Her stomach tensed as she felt their torsos touch and she felt how hard he was between her legs. Her hands went down his body to the opening of his suit trousers. Just as she was about to unbutton them she heard a little cough. She broke the kiss and looked in the direction of the sound to see Kaspar standing in the doorway. In a mad panic she yelled "Oscuro!" and her son was hit with a blindfolding charm.

"Mummy?" asked the boy, trying to rip the blindfold off his eyes.

Bella and Travis pulled their clothes back on as quickly as possible, Bella's dress was on backwards and Travis's shirt half buttoned but that didn't matter. She took a deep breath, looked at Travis and murmured, "Obliviate," pointing the wand at the confused little boy. The spell knocked the boy out cold and she ran over to catch her son before he hit the ground. She clicked her fingers and Twisty appeared. Bella took the blindfold off Kasper and hander his prone little body to the elf. "Put him in his bed, please. Thank you." Bella and Travis both watched as the unconscious boy was carried up the stairs. She picked up Travis's bag and handed it to him. "You should leave."

"Why?"

"My son is passed out upstairs because you... I lost my head. I am a mother, and I'm a mother FIRST."

"I know Bella but..."

"No buts, Travis. Please, go. This... it won't work. Please, just go."

Travis shook his head, picked up his bag and left without another word. The tears that had been threatening started to fall when Bella heard the door slam shut. She slumped down on the floor, her face in her hands and wept. So close... so close to grabbing back a part of her life that was good and normal. Her heart ached and she felt a little more broken inside. That served her right, she supposed, for craving a life that she didn't fit and didn't deserve. She got up and climbed upstairs and walked into Kaspar's room. She lay down on his bed and cradled his body close and fell asleep there. Her children were her life now. The sooner she realised that the better.

_Don't worry, it gets happier, I promise! I know there's been a MASSIVE gap between chapters; writer's block is a pain. Please stick with me, and review! _


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